Dear Annie,
My aunt is going through a financial rough patch and I’ve been sending her cash to help out. It seems that even though she has a son, two daughters, and a nephew I’m the only one who is willing to help.
I know my family members could be helping her, but they choose not to. Some choose not to work, others refuse to pay child support or have poor relationships with my aunt. We’ve always gotten along fine, and I really feel like I can help with this.
I’ve agreed to directly deposit a certain amount of money into her account every month, but she consistently asks for more.
I’ve suggested she reach out to the others instead of always relying on me, but I don’t think she’s making much of an effort there.
I am giving her what I can. How do I say “NO” to giving her more than I can without coming across as unkind? I have a hard time saying no, AND I’m feeling angry and taken advantage of, not only by my aunt, but by the others standing by and not helping.
Giving Nibling
Dear Giving Nibling,
You are being so generous in supporting your aunt, as you have described. She is very lucky to have you. However, just because you are generous doesn’t mean you have to give everything you have. It is smart of you to consider your own financial needs first and give a portion of your surplus (if any) to your aunt.
It can be difficult to talk to others, especially family members, about finances. Know you’re not alone in struggling with this. Next time your aunt asks for more money, you can tell her frankly about how much you can give her and ask her not to bring up giving her more again.
You didn’t mention whether your aunt is employed or has other financial assistance. If she’s not getting other financial support, you may be able to help her with finding a job or applying for government supports.
Though you wish your other family members would help out, we can’t control other people’s involvement and behaviour. If you feel that talking with your family will bring out their generosity, it’s worth a shot. But know that the only person’s finances you can control are your own — it is up to your family to help out if and how they can.
Sending you strength for the tricky conversations ahead.
Big hugs,
Annie
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