Dear Annie,
I’m divorced with two teenage children. I caught my ex-wife having an affair with her best friend’s husband, “C”. At the time I caught them, my wife’s best friend, “H,” was taking care of her mother, who was battling cancer. My ex begged me not to tell H about the affair because of her mother’s serious illness. And so I said nothing, thinking it would be best for my family, and of course, I didn’t want to create a hardship for H. My ex continues to have a close relationship with H, who is completely oblivious of the affair.
As opposed to moving on, my ex seems to take every chance she can get to bad-mouth me to others, including my own children, about what a poor husband and father I was and am. I think she’s building a defence out of fear that someday the secret will get out. This has been going on for over six months.
I’m frustrated that my discretion and restraint are being used against me, and my kindness toward our family friend is being interpreted as weakness. Isn’t there some point when I confront the other family and expose my ex and C? I’ve tried letting go but am considering “an eye for an eye.”
Seeking Revenge
Dear Seeking Revenge,
The best revenge is living well. Focus on what you can control — your own happiness and peace. Of course, that’s easier said than done, especially when what your ex-wife is doing is completely ridiculous. You have kept her secret to protect her friend, and now she is bad-mouthing you? No part of that behaviour is acceptable. It’s time to have a blunt conversation with her, and ask her to stop bad-mouthing you to your children. She is not only hurting you, but she is hurting your children by putting down their father.
Big conversations ahead, friend — know we are rooting for you
You’ve got this!
Annie