“Sometimes, life can be hard” is something we hear all the time, but what does it actually mean?
How hard can life really be?
Is any one life really harder than any other life, or do we all experience the same amount of life hardness?
The answer is of course some people’s lives are harder than others, what a stupid thing to say.
But sometimes it’s fun to think of one’s life as hard (even when it’s not) if only to experience the delight of explaining to others just how hard our lives are as a sort of contest to see who can have the hardest life.
Make sense? Good, ‘cuz I’ve had a pretty hard week. And just saying that is therapeutic for me.
It all started on the weekend when, after having been up for the better part of an hour, I realized that I had put my pants on backwards.
I was a bit surprised it took me so long to figure that out, but even more surprised that it took a whole other hour for me to decide whether I should put them on the right way round (I didn’t).
It caused me to realize that maybe I’m not quite as sharp as I used to be. That’s saying something because I used to be about as sharp as a soft-boiled egg, so on the sharpness scale I’m descending into levels of un-sharpness that not even science has discovered yet.
Was this the beginning of the sharpness end for me? Would I be even more awkward and annoying at social gatherings now? Would my attempts at humour be met with even more silence than before?
Hopefully not! And since I don’t go to social gatherings, very hard to determine!
I decided to put aside the gazillion chores I had planned to almost start doing, and went and lay down on the lawn instead.
I thought it might be a good idea to take a break from my usually rigorous routine of almost getting stuff done and take a little time to reflect on the benefits of getting older.
It took the better part of a day for me to come up with anything but eventually, after a little bit of help from that ‘ol Haida Haze, I was able to come up with the official Chris Williams List of the Benefits of Getting Old.
And so here they are in no particular older, I mean order:
1. Your body makes hilarious noises! From pops to cracks to moorbles to “What the heck was that?!” your body will constantly surprise you with a new sound almost every week!
2. People respect you more! Ha ha, just kidding. They don’t.
3. You drive a lot slower so fewer speeding tickets! (Note: You also become that person who drives really slow and upsets all those younger people, a double bonus!)
4. You are constantly enveloped in the warm fuzzy feeling of existential dread as the thought of your inevitable demise inches closer every day!
5. Your appearance means less to you!
6. You get to tell cool stories about how things “used to be.” Who doesn’t want to hear that?!
7. Underwear becomes a choice and not some Orwellian tactic of assimilation!
8. You start to smell like cabbage! (Only a bonus if you’re nuts about cabbage)
9. Boring TV shows become watchable
And finally,
10. No one cares if you fart!