Un-social Media

I took a very long break from social media.

Part of that was coming out of the COVID-19 pandemic. I had enough of digital connecting. Real human connection was so much more exciting. Around that time, I was also falling in love. (With the man who still has my heart.)

There’s a part of me that’s always felt posting too much love meant things weren’t going all that well in the new relationship. Posting a lot came from a place of insecurity. When it looks like boasting, you’re revealing what you wish were true.

Being “Facebook official” in a relationship wasn’t something I grew up with, but it definitely exists now. I still wonder how much that actually matters, watching relationship statuses update and change over the years, then re-update again. How much does that passive declaration really mean?

As for photos, I’m never pleasantly surprised to find a candid shot of me online, tagged or not.

Posting too many photos of kids? I couldn’t help that when they were little. It felt like the fastest way my tired brain could share just how gosh-darn cute they were, so it felt justified. Now that they’re teens, I have to take their requests not to take many photos in the first place.

And what about kids who used to be so active in sports or read a book a week, then get their first bit of freedom with a cell phone and their old hobbies disappear?

When do we “let” kids have their own online accounts? When you see that some of the biggest names in the tech world don’t let their teens have a phone until they’re 16, it makes you wonder. I’ve had lectures from friends about not putting parental controls on my kids’ web browsing.

I have to trust my kids. I tell them what the dangers are and what my expectations are. I believe they’re old enough to show the maturity to respect the lessons I’ve tried to instill in them, just like in the real world.

Then there’s online dating. People connect like that all the time. That’s a strong point made by friends who met online, and I have to say, they’re the only ones I know who’ve made more than a temporary connection. Personally, I’ve only ever dated men who had the courage to approach me in real life. Sliding into my DMs with a “Hey” has never been an effective way to get my attention.

And of course, there are the keyboard warriors. They’re quick to get on a soapbox and be much bolder than they would in person. Sometimes I’m happy to hear real opinions. But if it gets too negative, I’ll unfollow. If I find myself judging too much, I’ll unfollow. For energies that feel overwhelmingly negative, I’ll block.

All these dynamics, I didn’t grow up with. Part of why I’ve decided to give my kids the freedom to choose how they represent themselves online is because this will always be part of their lives.

Now that I’m getting plugged back in, I’ve been looking for the positive, light side of an online presence. Podcasts are one place. Mid-life podcasts are full of insight. And humour: social media has done great things for comedians. Some folks are using it to build their business or brand.

As I pop my head back into an online mindset, I’m happy to see there are still elements I enjoy consuming and participating in. But seeing, meeting, and relating to people in real life will always be my favourite.

Until then, keep enjoying your print media.