Dear Annie,
Yet another Mother’s Day has come and gone, and yet another huge letdown. Not to mention the same treatment for our anniversary and my birthday.
It makes me sad that he can’t take the time to show me that I matter to him and the kids. More than that, he isn’t setting an example for our kids on how to acknowledge Mommy.
I feel like I’ve tried guiding him in the past on something that he could do with the kids for me, but it never gets a follow-through. I don’t need anything extravagant — a picture, a special rock, some hand-picked dandelions. But nothing ever comes.
My heart is just plain old sad. I don’t like feeling so unimportant to the three most important people in my life. I don’t even know what to do at this point.
Dear Out-of-Mind Mommy,
You are feeling unimportant and unappreciated and wish your family would give you recognition for all you do for them.
You’re especially bummed by the patterns your kids are learning about how to treat you, their parent, on this special day.
Here are a couple of ideas to try:
- Pick a time when you are both in a good mood (not in a spat about anything, not right after getting home from work or school) and have a heart-to-heart with your partner. Share the feelings you did here with us: how you really feel about his actions, how it’s impacting you, and your worries about how it’s influencing your kids. Then, make a plan together for how to meet your needs next time there’s a celebratory day.
- Use Father’s Day as an opportunity to show your kids how you want to be treated and how to celebrate someone you love. Help them make crafts, pick out something special, or brainstorm with them what his favourite meal is and cook it for him together. Show them how to appreciate a parent for all their dedication to your family.
Give these a try and see where they take you. You may be pleasantly surprised by how far some vulnerability and modelling can take you.
Big hugs,
Annie
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