It has often been said that the hardest thing for people to learn in life is what we don’t know. Life and experience teach us many things, but age allows us to see a bigger picture of the world and affords us the humility to understand that our depth of knowledge is limited. The confidence of youth eventually gives way to the wisdom that there is so much we really don’t understand.
When I was younger, I thought I knew many things, only to learn through failure and embarrassment that, in fact, there was much I didn’t know. This idea is probably most pronounced through the concept of empathy. So often in my life, I have judged people incorrectly because, in my limited experience, I thought I knew what they were going through, only to learn later in life, as my own experiences expanded, that I had it all wrong. My assumptions about what a person was going through were not only incorrect but usually left me looking quite immature and naïve.
I bring this up because I feel that empathy is not just a dying quality among the modern Western human, but also because, without empathy, the current rise of hate and ignorance in the world will continue to escalate.
One of the funnier phrases I hear tossed around a lot on Haida Gwaii is “Must be nice!” As in, “Hey, did you see that brand-new truck that so-and-so bought?” “Yeah, must be nice.” The statement is always laced with sarcasm and resentment. I am prone to this usage myself and admit that I experience the sentiment way too often.
As my wife and I slog away at our property, trying to save the money to build or find the time to finish all that we want to do, I may see a neighbor or friend getting ahead and fall victim to a sense of self-delusion that they have it easier than me. “Must be nice,” I think to myself as I come up with excuses for my own lack of accomplishments and fall into the trap of comparing my life to others.
But as I get older and learn that not everything is as it seems, I come to realize that everyone has their own unique challenges. Perhaps those very same people whom I judge so quickly and unfairly are looking at me in the same way. Maybe they see my life as unfairly easy or full of unjust advantages. Perhaps, in those moments, I am forgetting to look inwardly at what I can and have accomplished and instead allow myself to be influenced by unrealistic and misunderstood expectations of what others are able to do.
I have spoken about community before and how important the idea of community is. A community is not just a bunch of people living together. A community is alive and has purpose. A community grows together and suffers together. We have several communities on Haida Gwaii, but we are also just one community, defined by our coastlines and common objectives. A community is much like a family, and like a family, if its members are at odds or lack empathy for each other, then it is most likely to be unhealthy and unable to grow.
A community needs a plan or a vision as to where it’s headed and what it wants to become. It should be supportive of its members and willing to accept its failures as opportunities to learn about itself and become stronger.
How will we maintain our fragile highways and aging infrastructure? Will we be able to provide the amenities needed for the next generation of Haida Gwaiians to flourish here? And what of the generations after that? Can we work together to meet these challenges? Can we be self-sustainable? In short, what’s the plan?
If we fail to understand that we are all in this together and that we all have unique challenges to overcome, we may never be able to fully realize everything we are capable of.