Dear Annie,
I’ve been with my partner for over a decade, and we live together now. When at home, they are sweet, helpful, and dotes on me constantly. They do their fair share of cooking and cleaning, and is pretty good financially. I’m thinking it might be time to start a family together.
However, the problems start when we are out for dinner with friends or family, or hosting in our house. My partner starts to contradict almost everything that I say, or corrects small details in a story I’m telling. He will belittle or be dismissive of any opinion I put forward. I don’t know why they do this, and any time I’ve asked I just get, “I don’t know” and a weak promise to not do it again, once they stop telling me I’m over reacting.
I’m finding this exhausting. Is this a big red flag, or just a little one that can be fixed?
Always trying.
Dear Always Trying,
Thank you for sharing your scenario and concerns. It sounds like you have a loving and supportive partner at home, which is wonderful! However, I can understand how the behavior you described in social settings can be confusing and hurtful. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and the impact this behavior has on you. Feeling belittled or dismissed, especially by someone you love, can be exhausting and disheartening. It’s not just a small issue; it’s something that affects your self-esteem and the way you interact with others.
Communication is key in any relationship. It might be helpful to have a calm and honest conversation with your partner about how their behavior makes you feel. Try to express your feelings without blaming or accusing. For example, you could say, “I feel hurt and embarrassed when you contradict me in front of others.” This approach focuses on your feelings rather than their actions. If your partner is willing to listen and work on this issue, it could be a positive step forward. However, if they continue to dismiss your feelings or make weak promises, it might be a sign of a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. Seeking the help of a couples therapist or counsellor could provide a safe space for both of you to explore these dynamics and find healthier ways to communicate.
Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, both in private and in public. Trust your instincts and take care of your emotional well-being.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
Big hugs,
Annie