Here it is, December.
The traditions of stringing up lights and bringing a tree into the house have origins long before Christianity. Some say evergreen trees exist because one once sheltered a Winter Spirit and, in thanks, the spirit granted the tree eternal growth. Bringing a tree inside during the winter months is meant to bless the home with protection.
Winter traditions, beliefs and ceremonies are many, yet all carry a similar feel. The aim is to bring connection, express gratitude, foster giving beyond ourselves and bring light into the darkness. It should be a time of coziness and soft contemplation, warmth and quiet.
All too often it becomes a time of hectic schedules and overconsumption of food, drink and things. We race to find the perfect gift, or any gift as time runs short. We buy new decorations, new lights, new clothes, things we do not need. We rush from one event to the next, then for many, onto planes to new places or old homes for a marathon of festivities, then race back again.
On Haida Gwaii, individuals, families and communities are deeply connected. We have experienced horrendous losses this year, the kind that hurt the soul and leave a mark that cannot be forgotten. Interspersed have been the loss of elders and knowledge keepers, community members who showed up every time, mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, beautiful humans and precious pets. Interwoven are other losses, including jobs, abilities, relationships and the grief that comes when people move away from our beautiful islands.
I invite you, dear reader, to acknowledge that giving through loss is incredibly challenging. Some may not be able to celebrate anything substantial this year. Some may feel incredibly lonely. So what can you do if you are experiencing loss, and what can you do to support those who are?
First, assume nothing. If you are feeling loss, do not assume you must do all the things you always did. You do not have to attend that dinner. You do not have to go all out on decorations. You do not have to feel much joy at all. Honour your grief by giving it quiet space and time this season. Be compassionate with yourself and engage only in traditions that warm your soul and fill your cup. Create a new tradition if the old ones are too painful. Or let this winter season reflect the extraordinary pain you have felt this year. Make it yours.
For those looking to support people who have had significant losses, take their lead. Again, assume nothing. While a warm dinner may be what you think you would want, your friend or family member may have different needs. Maybe they want a lively night out. Maybe they want no company at all. Ask. Help them clarify what they need if they do not know, and take nothing personally.
As a community, we can all try to foster calm and coziness. Let go of expectations and consumer frenzy. Create spaces and moments for togetherness that focus on the people around the table, not what is on the table. Get outside. Celebrate our many evergreens. Give gratitude and give only what you can actually afford.
Take a moment to think of all the losses we as a community have felt this year. There are many, including those you may not be thinking of. Notice any losses you have experienced this year, even the ones overshadowed by the grief of others. Honour them all, and do what you can to create warmth, love and understanding everywhere you go.
Honour yourself, honour others and honour that Winter Spirit.
